Memorable Merriment From The Divine Miss M

The 1985 appearance of the Bette Midler on the Johnny Carson Show is one of my all-time television favorites. Over the years I've often thought about her hilarious rendition of "Fit or Fat (Fat As I Am)" and wished to see it again. Through the combined miracles of the Internet and YouTube my wish came true this evening, when I found this gem:



Fit or Fat (Fat As I Am)

Fat as I am.
Who wants to see a diva fat as I am?
I get mistaken now for Lainie Kazan.
How is it that I'm fat as I am?

Fat as I am.
The camera's gonna add a ton to my can.
This is the way they say Godzilla began.
How did I get as fat as I am?

"Try it again."
All of my friends say I should diet again;
That all my fans are gonna riot again.
"Look what happened to Liz."

All of my sins
are not as numerous as . . . all of my chins!
I could audition for the Doublemint twins.
No one in the biz is as fat as I is.

Ah, but what's a career
when you put it next to knackwurst and beer?
They could park a DC10 on my rear.
God knows I got the gas!

There goes the chair.
But to tell the truth, I'm too fat to care!
I ate a meatball off the floor right over there.
Ah, you don't give a damn
when you're fat as I am!

--Bette Midler, from Mud Will Be Flung Tonight!

Priceless!