Jennifer’s big formal wedding was fast approaching and she was delighted to hear that her Mom, Sheila, emerging from a nasty divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress.
Two days later, she was shocked to learn that her new young stepmother, Fawn, had purchased the same dress.
She asked her stepmother to buy another dress since her Mom had already altered her purchase. Fawn refused.
After two more weeks of frustrating shopping, Sheila found a dress that was not as nice as the first, but would serve.
When asked by a friend what she would do with her original dress, she grinned and replied, “I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!”
Sunday, August 26, 2007
English Is a Crazy Language!
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
We take English for granted:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
A Guinea pig is not a Guinea nor is it a pig.
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn’t Mop?
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22. I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Let’s face it—English is a crazy language.
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
We take English for granted:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
A Guinea pig is not a Guinea nor is it a pig.
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn’t Mop?
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22. I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Let’s face it—English is a crazy language.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
America to the Rescue...WTF are we DOING?!
An absolutely brilliant synopsis of American foreign policy in the Middle East, with appropriate sentiments expressed.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
A Grass-Roots Effort to Grow Old at Home
Groups want to make neighborhoods comfortable places for elderly people not interested in assisted living.
read more | digg story
read more | digg story
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Do Canadians really want that pompous ass Loyola Hearn representing their views on the seal hunt?
Loyola Hearn has a lot of nerve threatening to take on the Belgians for banning seal products. What a pompous ass he is! He thinks being called or thought of as a "wuss" is an insult, but there is a huge difference between being a wuss who doesn't stand up to unwarranted bullying and being a wuss who gets his jollies by tormenting and slaughtering young seals unable to defend themselves. Loyola Hearn is this second type of wuss, who, now that his inhumanity is revealed, has decided to go on the offensive, with his right-wing government backing him. I am ashamed of Canada for supporting the hunts and I am ashamed of Canadians who do not support the seal hunts but still allow the likes of Loyola Hearn to represent his views as their views to the rest of the world.
I wonder, does Loyola "Wuss" Hearn take pride in the disgust ethical people worldwide feel when they consider the barbarism he defends so vigorously? I fear for the reputation of Canada when our country is labeled "inhumane" for the way we treat our wildlife and "wuss" for not standing up to the seal hunters and their unethical champion, Loyola Hearn.
I wonder, does Loyola "Wuss" Hearn take pride in the disgust ethical people worldwide feel when they consider the barbarism he defends so vigorously? I fear for the reputation of Canada when our country is labeled "inhumane" for the way we treat our wildlife and "wuss" for not standing up to the seal hunters and their unethical champion, Loyola Hearn.
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