Jokes To Offend Nearly Everyone...

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan


What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag


Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts


What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever


What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities


What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs


What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife


Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you


Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving


What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'


Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... a recipe


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins with 'Once upon a time ...' -A southern fairytale
begins with 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....


Why is there no Disneyland in Japan?
No one is tall enough to go on the good rides