Sex Therapy

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.

The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical examinations, psychological tests, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."

He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.''

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. and Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.

The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical examinations and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. ''I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help.''

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, ''You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us."

"Okay. Go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios...''

New Student

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the
son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said,
'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" apprised the
teacher.

"Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people,for the people,
shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from
Pedro, who announced, "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class,you should be ashamed! Pedro, who
is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie,1836."

At that point, a student in the back said,"I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right!Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro
answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out
of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to
Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said,"You little shit. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein,2003."

Finally someone threw an eraser at Pedro and someone shouted "Duck"!
The now groggy but conscious teacher asked, "Who said that? "
Pedro replied, "Dick Cheney 2006!"

Istanbul (not Constantinople)

A remarkable slideshow created by a Turkish tour guide, featuring beautiful Istanbul and accompanied by the delightful, energetic and humorous song "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)".

"Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul (Istanbul)
Istanbul (Istanbul)

From the About this Video:

Istanbul is Turkey's most populous city, and its cultural and financial center.In its long history, Istanbul (Constantinople) served as the capital city of the Roman Empire (330-395), the Byzantine Empire (395-1204 and 1261-1453), the Latin Empire (1204-1261), and the Ottoman Empire (1453-1922).

Frosty Funny

click image to enlarge


(from an email forwarded by my brother)

BeFunkified!

Today on Clipmarks I found a fun photo-manipulating site called BeFunky and, of course, was immediately compelled to befunkify myself.

Quite flattering, eh wot?